In Between

This otherworldly place I’m in
zombie
vessel
home

Before my heart explodes
Before all I hear is the new-born cry

Shooting pain stabs my ligaments, my pelvis
Heartburn visits me each night
Plod plod plod…
My sense of self slowly recedes

the 2 year old takes a bite out of the bump
the 4 year old laughs hysterically
“Mommy, can I see photos of me as a tiny baby?”

Ticking things off a never-ending to-do list
“Is your hospital bag packed?”

I wait
and watch
the tiny movements
to understand
who they will be
who I will be
this time

So much hope
So much unknown

I welcome the pain, if it means I can sit in that unequivocal joy
in that place that is
so singular
so magical
I had to do it again
and again
and again

No more of this in-between world.

Enough.